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But I just figured it out!!!

Long after the time has come where you are supposed to choose what you can do with your life after graduation: military, workforce, or college-I found myself in that bleak spot where I didn't think I would be. I'm relocated in the southern state of Georgia and now have a ten month child. Go figure.

But I just figured it out! I mean...I did figure it out....I suppose life is supposed to be this way for me?

This is definitely not the way I planned it. I figured after high school and graduation away from the lames, I would further my life into doing what I dreamed of: a writing career that took me beyond international borders where magazines would be throwing themselves at me. I pictured lots of travel where I could scream to the mountains after a stint in the Peace Corps, being solo and independent with the breeze blowing through my hair. I just knew I had it all figured out, and whatever happened would be the best thing for me...but I would be independent, by myself and happy with that decision.

Enter relationship. Relocation. Child. Before I could even start my collegiate dreams of Radiology at the age of 25, I fell in love indefinitely and changed my entire life in the blink of an eye.

Is this what I wanted? A family? A reason to be inside on the weekends leisurely soaking up air conditioning on the weekend in the heat of the south-where in my mind, my heart, I am an independent Yankee screaming for the hustle and bustle that will allow me to move ever so freely?

But I just figured it out!!! Why does this happen to people, all around the globe? People that have it all figured out, laid an outline for their life and etched out a step by step process that will give them a cure for monotony.

It happened to me.

Do I adapt? I have no choice. As I look at my beautiful son, I see that I needed to slow down-I needed to recieve that maternal instinct, needed to be blessed with someone to carry on the family name. I needed him just as much as he needs me now. I needed to see that being alone is actually lonely, and although I crave alone time, I actually crave time to be around him. Around family. Around a loving environment.

Maybe I was moving too fast.

I like to think that I was knocked down to analyze. To re-create. To see my full potential. I believe that life is choice, and even my father God gives me space to make mistakes. Free will. Free to move and do what I choose. Maybe I limit myself into what I can and can't do as a mother. Maybe I choose to have days in sweats than going out and having fun. Either way, I have a choice.

I figured it out.

I have a choice. My freedom is not limiting. My independence is not lacking.

I figured it out!

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