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I. Fucking. Hate. You.

I. Fucking. Hate. You.

I hate
how you disrupt the silence in me.
how I crave to be the still waters
in chaos ripples within unfamiliar environments
soul quiver induced
need an intravenous medicine through
my vein mind reliance head game
type of love.

I hate You.

Hate how you
nibbled the rock formed within my heart
pebble by pebble
dust collected pressurized being
the coulda shoulda woulda luminescence eye catching diamond
in the rough upon sight for seeing.

I hate
the way your commandments come not from
stone tablets but hidden sex
shadowed by layers of jean material
move me in. out. in.
undertones of a serial killer
slashing beating hearts bled by red eyes
hours pass cease shadows of the day
and now,
morning paid its price.

you made me love you.

The quivering inner child not
loved by his father
in-compassionate to debate topics
scorned fury have no hell
summoned to thee/ calculated
movements in the web in which
you caught me.

snipped my wings.

I hate how movement and flight
ceased relaxed winds in your presence
dominating the deafening sound of silence
intermixed with full lips hold desire
cresting with moonlight. your love,
the forgiving cried tears water doused with
passionate fire.

yes.

I. Fucking. Hate. You.

you piece of shit Rubiks cube
full of enigmas sprinkled with dishonesty
life on a silver platter ignored
released the inner Riddler in me,
I mean-
how can I understand
what does not share?
how can I love
what does not care?

moving in/out/out/in
seeking approval master of desire
lies and conceit you made me
love from within.

you changed me.


damn you. you made me be this type of chick
that would take so much
disguised with rose petals but lingering
aromas of soft petals for forgiving-
it still smells like bullshit.

forget-me-nots'

don't smell so good
with begging and pillow talk whispers
and the uncovering of what lies beneath
of what could
be
I am the original heartbeat
heartache
heart's sake
heart weight
heart make
me quiver
and shiver
and stutter
and tremble
and feel and need and need to love cause love left me
utterly...

in love to be hated.

make me love to hate you.
contempt breathing resentment
mixed with pleaded cries to
inner self-assessments
who am I, the epitome of me
to deny the best of thee
to create the strength in you
support everlasting within
reciprocity ever-lacking.

I supported you. loved you.
held you in my arms when tears fall in the dark
when real men cry
when real men have emotions and feelings and love and seek being
meek when they are not strong
vulnerable when they are not seen
understanding when they are not believed
helpless when they are not are not in demand for need.

a necessity. a pure necessity. can't help who you love
but I. Fucking. Hate. You. you made me choose
and dammit, I love myself more.

I forgive you.

clipped wings,

Soar.


-b.r.rivera
(blunt and real talk; to hate someone that you love and forgive them is not to give forgiveness to the other person-but to have love for thyself.)

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