I. Fucking. Hate. You.

I. Fucking. Hate. You.

I hate

how you disrupt the silence in me.

how I crave to be the still waters

in chaos ripples within unfamiliar environments

soul quiver induced

need an intravenous medicine through

my vein mind reliance head game

type of love.

I hate You.

Hate how you

nibbled the rock formed within my heart

pebble by pebble

dust collected pressurized being

the coulda shoulda woulda luminescence eye catching diamond

in the rough upon sight for seeing.

I hate

the way your commandments come not from

stone tablets but hidden sex

shadowed by layers of jean material

move me in. out. in.

undertones of a serial killer

slashing beating hearts bled by red eyes

hours pass cease shadows of the day

and now,

morning paid its price.

you made me love you.

The quivering inner child not

loved by his father

in-compassionate to debate topics

scorned fury have no hell

summoned to thee/ calculated

movements in the web in which

you caught me.

snipped my wings.

I hate how movement and flight

ceased relaxed winds in your presence

dominating the deafening sound of silence

intermixed with full lips hold desire

cresting with moonlight. your love,

the forgiving cried tears water doused with

passionate fire.

yes.

I. Fucking. Hate. You.

you piece of shit Rubiks cube

full of enigmas sprinkled with dishonesty

life on a silver platter ignored

released the inner Riddler in me,

I mean-

how can I understand

what does not share?

how can I love

what does not care?

moving in/out/out/in

seeking approval master of desire

lies and conceit you made me

love from within.

you changed me.

damn you. you made me be this type of chick

that would take so much

disguised with rose petals but lingering

aromas of soft petals for forgiving-

it still smells like bullshit.

forget-me-nots'

don't smell so good

with begging and pillow talk whispers

and the uncovering of what lies beneath

of what could

be

I am the original heartbeat

heartache

heart's sake

heart weight

heart make

me quiver

and shiver

and stutter

and tremble

and feel and need and need to love cause love left me

utterly...

in love to be hated.

make me love to hate you.

contempt breathing resentment

mixed with pleaded cries to

inner self-assessments

who am I, the epitome of me

to deny the best of thee

to create the strength in you

support everlasting within

reciprocity ever-lacking.

I supported you. loved you.

held you in my arms when tears fall in the dark

when real men cry

when real men have emotions and feelings and love and seek being

meek when they are not strong

vulnerable when they are not seen

understanding when they are not believed

helpless when they are not are not in demand for need.

a necessity. a pure necessity. can't help who you love

but I. Fucking. Hate. You. you made me choose

and dammit, I love myself more.

I forgive you.

clipped wings,

Soar.

-b.r.rivera

(blunt and real talk; to hate someone that you love and forgive them is not to give forgiveness to the other person-but to have love for thyself.)